Call me Molson.  Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world (H. Melville).

I was planning on a peaceful three-hour tour…a three-hour tour.

The ride started out relatively uneventful on a beautiful June morning in 2017.  The wind filled the sails and we were off.

Captain Corey was at the helm.

Captain Corey gave a safety briefing and taught us new boating lingo like which side was the pork and which was the starburst.  We felt prepared for anything that might be in store for us.

Shortly thereafter, things went south…this wasn’t covered in our briefing.  We were boarded by pirates!

Captain Corey, knowing he was the only one capable of getting us safely to shore decided to go incognito and turn the Captain duties over to me in case things went bad.

I proudly accepted my new responsibilities and took command.

I tried steering erratically in hopes of throwing the pirates overboard or at least making them sick, to no avail.

The only thing left to do was negotiate.  I sat with their leader Captain Jack Sparrow.

In hopes of building trust and disarming the agitated pirates, I pretended to honor their demands and fall in line.

They were unprepared for my next move.  I unleashed a fury of nauseous gasses that lingered heavier than the wind.  The pirates were stunned, quickly abandoned ship, and jumped overboard.  Thus, saving the original captain and crew.  We quietly sailed into port with all passengers and ship unharmed.

Upon returning to port, the crew celebrated my courage by letting me keep the Captain’s hat.

We all enjoyed a swim in the water to cool off and decompress after our stressful encounter.  Sailing is fun!!!

And Dr. Rabuffo, guess what? Ahoy, I sail, I’m a sailor, I sail!  Isn’t this a breakthrough?!